What We Say Matters

With every passing interaction, we communicate to others what we feel. Whether it be with our words, our bodies, or our behaviors, we are constantly signaling our emotions to the rest of the world. If you think about it too hard, it could be easy to overanalyze every little thing that we do as time passes. Instead of falling into a circuitous trap, you can use focused awareness to bring attention to moments where effective communication can make a big difference in supporting and empowering others. With a better understanding of what we are currently doing and the implementation of a few adjustments, we can enhance our experiences with others and fortify relationships that will have a long-lasting impact in our lives.

Kinds of communication

It’s important to remember that there are many forms of communication and how we interact with others is not limited to speaking.

We send messages with

· Words (both spoken and written)

· Facial expressions

· Body language

· Actions

Each of these modes of communication will be necessary at different times and the relative influence of each will change moment to moment. For example, while I may be responding verbally every so often to a prospective client as they describe their goals, I am communicating more with my eye contact and my ability to focus in and listen rather than having my face buried in my notebook. Being familiar with tools for all these different forms of communication can be useful when it is necessary to adapt your strategy to the person you are working with. Because individuals are different and each have their own drives, the internal mechanisms that lead to our decisions and behaviors,[1] different forms of communication may be more effective.

What we say to others

Perhaps the most common mode for communication is between people. In a trainer/client relationship this would include discussing goals, demonstrating and coaching exercises, and e-mail and text conversations used for scheduling and encouragement. With a nationally recognized personal training or coaching certification comes a presumed level of knowledge and authority. This is definitely something we want when working with our clients, but it also carries a great deal of responsibility. The things you say about exercise and nutrition are presumed correct and your attitudes toward trends and fads may be adopted as their own. This kind of blind trust, while most likely deserved, does not leave a great deal of room for error and it certainly doesn’t allow for being cavalier or haphazard in our delivery of information. Our verbal communication can be kind AND motivating, our non verbal communication can be relaxed AND professional. Each interaction should be treated as an opportunity to better understand the other person, listening more than we speak and with the intent to truly understand before we respond.[2]

What we say about others

What we say about others communicates a great deal about how we think and feel to the people we are talking to, meaning oftentimes our communication involves a third party. This means anything we say about another person to our client sends a message. Commenting on how someone looks, what they are wearing, or what exercise they have chosen impacts how that client believes you view them. This goes for how you speak about others’ diets, lifestyle habits, and beliefs. While these may simply be your opinions, a client may take them for fact. It is impossible not to talk about others. There are certainly contexts where it may be appropriate. For example, your client watched a segment on the Today Show about people who only eat fresh fruit and vegetables being “healthier” than the general population. This will require a conversation, but it can be handled in a way that is not disparaging and provides context rather than judgement. Judgment has no place in your communication as it reinforces to your client that you are constantly judging them.

What we say about ourselves

It’s ok! You talk about yourself. With all forms of our communication we are telling a story about how we feel about ourselves. This can be how we stand while we watch our client do an exercise, whether or not we have ironed our shirt (guilty a time or two!), how frequently we stare in the mirror, and the words we actually use to speak about our bodies and our exercise and nutrition habits. Disparaging words and behaviors communicate that there is a standard and to err is to be a failure. If you believe your body isn’t “right” or your nutrition isn’t “healthy enough” can you imagine how your clients feel? They could very well make them think that they will never be good enough.

Become a more effective communicator today!

Effective communication isn’t a stagnant skill. It is a moving target that we can work to reach with small changes. Why not try to improve today? Below is a list of strategies you can start working on with your next interaction to better meet the needs of the people you serve.

· Ask for feedback- ask you clients what is working/what isn’t. What are you having trouble understanding? Is there something I could better do to communicate this with you? People want to share their experience and may surprise you with what they need.

· Sneak a peek in the mirror (or better yet snap a photo or video)- the only way you can judge your body language is if you can see it. Look with a critical eye and ask yourself what someone who doesn’t know anything about you would think.

· Jot down some ideas- if you already feel like you have an idea of areas you can improve, try writing yourself a script. This may not be the word for word interaction, but it could help you organize your thoughts before you have to handle a more difficult conversation.

[1] Bartholomew, B. (2017). Conscious coaching: The art & science of building but-in. Bartholomew Strength.

[2] Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. Gallery Books.